The Goodbye Hug... By: Maryam Amirebrahimi

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Many of us only hear destructive marriage stories within the Muslim community. The constant flow of negative narratives can cause many to cringe and fear marriage. However, the reality is that there are so many incredible, beautiful, passionate, fulfilling and compassionate love stories in the Muslim community. In this mini-series, we hope to shed light on the beauty that exists in many Muslim marriages.
Here is just one glimpse of a Muslim couple who truly appreciate the small gestures of love between them. I’ll let the wife tell her story:

“Every morning, my husband gets up, goes and prays fajr (morning prayer) in the masjid, comes home, gets ready for work, and then we have a special goodbye hug before he leaves for the day. That hug energizes both of us for the day and we know it is a very special moment.

This morning, I had not realized that the time for fajr at the masjid changed and it was later than usual. So while I was praying fajr and my husband was getting ready to leave, it didn’t occur to me that he would not be coming home after the masjid because he would already be prepared to go to work. He left while I was still praying fajr and when I finished my prayer and my supplication, I realized he had already taken his lunch. That meant he was not coming back this morning, which meant we would not have our special goodbye hug. I wallowed in sadness and missing him. We’ve been married for many years, but I still miss him when we are apart for just an hour… You can imagine how hard it is when we’re apart the entire workday! And no, I don’t sit around all day just waiting for him to return. I have a very busy work schedule. But that doesn’t mean I’m not counting down hours until we’re together again at the end of the day.

As I sat reminding myself to be grateful that my husband is alive and healthy and well, scolding myself for being such a spoiled brat that I would wallow in self-pity simply for missing a hug while so many lose their loved ones and never have the opportunity to see them again in this life, I got a call from my husband. I realized he must have finished praying fajr at the masjid and I was ecstatically ready to hear his voice.

After sharing our sorrow for missing our hug, he told me, ‘Well, guess what? I have to come home because I forgot something!’

I was elated! God had caused him to forget something! That meant we would have another chance to share our special morning moment!

When he came in, we gave each other the biggest goodbye hug ever. I teasingly asked, ‘Was what you forgot here our goodbye hug?’ He laughed and replied, ‘Yup!’

And then I stopped and stared into his face, shocked. ‘That’s what you forgot here? That’s really what you forgot? That’s the reason you came back instead of going straight to work?!’

He wrapped his arms around me and replied, ‘I forgot our hug! I couldn’t start the morning without it!’”

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If a hug is worth grieving over when missed, then think about how much greater every other aspect of the relationship must be when both spouses work to make every encounter one filled with love and compassion.
True love exists. It does exist in Muslim families. It might even be your story now or in the future. Your relationship may be difficult, it may now be over, or it may not yet have begun. When that relationship exists, you may not be able to drive back home for a hug, there may be many barriers to you spending time together or seeing each other or working on increasing your love for one another. But it may be possible for you to find a common, small gesture of love which you can incorporate in your lives, which inculcates the way you want to feel for one another, and through it, God willing, your motivation of working for the zest in your relationship may flourish.